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Tain Stevenson
| Nickname | Ten Second Tain ("Ask any woman I have been with ...") |
| Date Of Birth | 10/11/96 |
| Place Of Birth | Dumfries |
| Big Team | Hibs |
| Wee Team | "Hibs would also fall under this heading according to any Hearts fans!" |
| Favourite Player Ever | Derek Riordan |
| Position | Early days, but looking like an out and out striker so far |
| Distinguishing Features | Not much so far, bar his raw pace, eye for goal and depressing lack of wrinkles |
| Lookalike | C*ltic left back Kieran Tierney |
| Battlecry | Nothing so far |
| Claim To Fame | Appeared on ITV News in a competition to win a trim trail for his primary school. They lost, and Tain's reputation has never recovered. Has cut the singer out of Franz Ferdinand's front lawn in Moniaive. First Real player to be named after a town in the Highlands. |
| 8s Debut | 4/4/17 |