Tuesday 4 - 2 FC Happy Mondays
Figure 1 - some typically inspired
madness from the pen of Hare
The Real's latest game was played in the customary high
winds, light rain and skiddy pitch conditions; at the customary venue
(Saughton, Stadium Of Dark) and with the customary referee inflicted
Indeed, it also looked the customary total pumping was
on the cards until the Happy Mondays full-backs started trying to play
Real goals: 4 (1 chopped off)
Mondays goals: 2 (1 chopped off)
Real offsides: 173 (4 actual)
Mondays offsides: 2 (63 actual)
Balls over the fence: 3
Balls stolen: 0
Balls found: 3
Ned spectators: 2
Minute by minute:
||Mondays kick off, Real playing into a strong head
||First real chance - Jay gets free in the box but snatches
his shot on the turn. Shortly followed by a smart half-volley from
Fahd that glances the left hand post on the way past.
||Corner swung in by Jay, glanced goalwards by James
but cleared off the line at the back post by a Santa lookalike.
Bit of a stramash but it's cleared again.
||Good save by Chris, clawing wide to prevent the Happy
Mondays going ahead.
||Real 1-0 Mondays. Dave pulled down as a defender
comes across the back of him while clean through on goal. Despite
the Mondays' protests, it was stonewall. Dave Rolland
(c) puts away the retaken penalty kick, placing the ball in exactly
the same corner as his first attempt. The first attempt was chopped
off because Darrell had nearly made it into the six yard box by
the time Dave had reached the spot.
||Real 1-1 Mondays. Good cross in met well by
the head of one of their players. At some point shortly thereafter,
Real goalie Chris goes off after tearing his quad, and is replaced
by Al Frame. On the Mondays side, the left back (Santa) also pulls
up with a hamstring injury and is replaced.
||Handbags as James takes a pass from Fahd on the edge
of the box, and one of the Mondays players decides to try and tackle
both of them despite the fact they're about six feet apart. Fahd
comes off the worst, and a bit of shouting ensues. Fahd and Mondays
skinhead subsequently sin binned for 'I'll tell you when you can
get back on' minutes.
||Dave 'scores', but it's chopped off for offside.
||On the stroke of half time, Dave beats his man on
the right wing and flashes the ball across the face of goal. James
stretches but pokes it onto the bar and over from a couple of yards
||Real kick off, with the wind at their backs (prompting
some very long range shots throughout the half).
||Real 2-1 Mondays. Matty makes the line on the
right hand side and swings in a cross that just evades our towering
strikers. Biggs picks up as it comes through the box and puts it
back in. Darrell rises at the back post and cushions a header for
James Hare to come in and nod the ball past the keeper from
the edge of the six yard area. Game on!
||Real 3-1 Mondays. Throw in from the Mondays
left back to their keeper. Real pressure forces the keeper to pick
it up, in a blatant flaunting of Rule 12 (page 33) of the current
FIFA Laws of the Game. Subsequent indirect free kick from inside
the six yard box is pushed back to Olly Abram, who drills
it in under the onrushing defenders.
||Real 3-2 Mondays. Strong clearance from Stu,
but pressure means he has to knock it out across the goal line.
The corner comes in, and an excellent diving header from a Mondays
midfielder loitering on the penalty spot finds the bottom corner.
Shortly after, Jay receives a mouthful of abuse from the Mondays
bench as the potentially career threatening injury he sustains in
a tackle (rolling around in agony, clutching his ankle) proves not
to be that bad when the free kick is given (jumps to his feet instantly,
and trots towards the Real goal).
||Real 4-2 Mondays. Mondays break the Real defensive
line and slide the ball into the net. Calls go up for handball,
and an unsighted Latto takes one look at Graeme shouting at him
and disallows the goal. An aggrieved Mondays team take a few minutes
to regroup, and Dave Rolland takes the opportunity to beat
two men out wide on the right and drive a low shot across goal from
25 yards. It finds the bottom corner and the Real look set for an
|| Bonus comes on for the last five minutes, and wastes
no time in stamping his authority on the game - getting two touches.
Touch one - technically not a touch - is an attempted scorpion
kick that just fails to make contact. Touch two is a shot from the
centre circle that manages to clear a 35 foot fence behind the goals.
||Full time, and a win! 'Mon the Real!
||1-0, 1-1 (half time), 2-1, 3-1,
Dave Rolland 2, James Hare 1, Olly Abram 1
||None, though Fahd and one of the (far from) Happy
Mondays players were 'rested' for ten minutes after a wee spat during
the first half
Smith; Paulo, Proudfoot, Campbell, Lawlor; Khammal, Hare, McHardy,
Abram; Rolland, Barnet
|Subs (all used)
||Frame (for Smith), Lees, Biggart, Blackhall, Fombo
||4 (Bill, Little Bill and 2 well behaved neds)
Sam Paulo - ran tirelessly up and down the left flank all night,
tackling anything that moved and shutting down the pacy Mondays
Honourable mention for captain Dave, who chased long balls into
the corners throughout the game and scored two fine goals (one
of them twice!)