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Chris Paterson
| Nickname | Chrissy Boy, Paterson |
| Date Of Birth | 20/2/80 |
| Place Of Birth | Edinburgh |
| Big Team | FC Bayern München |
| Wee Team | Musselburgh Athletic |
| Favourite Player Ever | Zinedine Zidane |
| Position | Can be found pretty much anywhere if he's not match fit - otherwise, centre forward, centre mid or right wing |
| Distinguishing Features | Dressed head to toe in box fresh Nike gear, based on what we've seen so far |
| Lookalike | Get back to you on that ... |
| Battlecry | ... and that |
| Claim To Fame | Smacking the crossbar from less than six yards out during his first 11s game for the Real (vs HotScots, 20/6/10) |
| 8s Appearances in 2010 | 10 out of 43 (23%) |
8s Appearances in 2011 |
5 out of 49 (10%) |