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Jay Crolla

Nickname Jayboy, Director Of Footballs, The Panto Villain, Jaws
Date Of Birth 30/3/82
Place Of Birth Edinburgh
Big Team Juventus
Wee Team HMFC
Favourite Player Ever Roberto Baggio
Position Striker, winger or attacking midfielder
Distinguishing Features

Not a lot, bar his resemblance to ex Ajax and Rangers striker Shota Arveladze and a Lennox-like reluctance to track back when the opposition have the ball (unless knackered).

Fond of a woolly bunnet, too (particularly ones belonging to Edinburgh Rugby players).

Pressing 7 pm appointments on Tuesdays where the result hasn't gone his way.

Lookalike Take your pick - Shota Arveladze, Mr Bean, Aleksandr the meerkat off the telly, Grant out of 'Mythbusters', Rudi Skácel, Adam Garcia off 'Got To Dance', David Mitchell out of 'Peep Show' (only thinner), Red Mist out of 'Kickass', Ed Miliband or (apparently) a Merchiston mate called Magnus Frame
Battlecry

"That ball's rubbish", plus a fine repertoire of whinges for any situation where he has been fouled, didn't receive the pass he wanted or dislikes the side he has been put in.

Also now cultivating a trademark, laconic 'Wow' when things go particularly pear shaped for his team.

Claim To Fame He's a professional gambler - and his surname is actually Gola
8s Appearances in 2009 30 out of 46 (65%)
8s Appearances in 2010 21 out of 43 (49%)
8s Appearances in 2011 46 out of 49 (94%)
8s Appearances in 2012 40 out of 49 (82%)
8s Appearances in 2013 35 out of 48 (73%)
8s Appearances in 2014 43 out of 50 (86%)
8s Appearances in 2015 15 out of 51 (29%)


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