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Stuart Falconer
| Nickname | Stu, Zola, Juninho ('Any wee footballer who I like to think is half decent ... '), The Wee Ninja |
| Date Of Birth | 1983 (architects obviously only deal in years, none of that days and months nonsense) |
| Place Of Birth | Glasgow |
| Big Team | Rangers |
| Wee Team | Partick Thistle |
| Favourite Player Ever | Brian Laudrup |
| Position | His blistering pace, fitness and tackling ability mean that he could probably play anywhere on the pitch that didn't involve height - striker or midfielder, then! |
| Distinguishing Features | The aforementioned pace, plus his diminutive stature |
| Lookalike | Let's start the bidding with Martin Compston out of 'Sweet Sixteen' and 'Monarch Of The Glen' |
| Battlecry | Nothing so far |
| Claim To Fame | Scored on his 11s debut for the Real. Possibly the fastest player ever to grace the Stadium Of Dark. |
| 8s Appearances in 2012 | 5 out of 49 (10%) |
| 8s Appearances in 2013 | 23 out of 48 (48%) |
| 8s Appearances in 2014 | 7 out of 50 (14%) |
| 8s Appearances in 2015 | 3 out of 51 (6%) |